Reconnecting with our true identities: Releasing the Ego Narrative through Honest Story Telling
I have always loved listening to other peoples stories. I find our differences fascinating and nothing makes me feel closer to another human, than when they share their truth. It’s like someone opening a window to their soul and holding out their heart for you to hold while they tell its story. It’s a level of trust that says, “I trust you to hold space for me, to listen without judgement, to listen without the need for understanding, to see me for who I am, not who I was or am yet to be, to see my brokenness as the very part that makes me whole”. There is magic in vulnerability. In sharing it, we crack open spaces for light to enter the shadows of others. In hearing it, we create bonds of belonging, acceptance and shared humanity. We release the invisible shame ties, that ironically, we only feel bound by because we don’t share our natural human experiences, ultimately making each other feel isolated by differences that are actually not differences at all, but shared experiences.
The art of shared stories used to be a way of bringing people together. There were lessons in every personal journey that formed openings for the understanding, development and appreciation of good morals, standards, beliefs and attitudes that moulded the foundations of identities and connected us with our higher spiritual selves. Communities once used to nurture identities as the very unique and valuable entities they are that help contribute to a picture of oneness. They recognised the strength in working together with our differences, rather than allowing difference to be a source of separation. The identity of the community itself was built on the strengths that each person brought to the group. They operated within systems of tradership that recognised and celebrated the contribution of individuals.
“The danger of the ego narrative is the lost message in the story. We create a subliminal message that we, as ourselves, are not enough to be loved as we are”
As communities have evolved, so too has the art of storytelling, from what was once a shared connecting force, to what is now more the sharing of ego narratives, served on a platform of competition, comparison, judgement, fear and ultimately masking our own identities to conform to a perceived picture of perfectionism. We no longer find home within ourselves and start looking outwardly to seek grounding and acceptance in the unique identity that has always been within us. The danger of the ego narrative is the lost message in the story. When the purpose of sharing becomes focused on the self, the outcome of the story is to encourage others to turn away from connection and honest sharing as a method of healing, transformation and authentic growth. We create a subliminal message that to mask our truth is to find acceptance and love from others, and that we, as ourselves, are not enough to be loved as we are. We disconnect from our own greatness in trying to be great, because greatness is never found in turning away from oneself. All you find there is great acting.
When we share our own stories, our truth and vulnerability, we help others to remove the layers of masks they hide behind. I see a consumerist market that has capitalised on this human need for relatability, selling stories as products to solve people’s pain. I see people identifying with their ego narrative as their story, the truest definition of lost I can think of. You only have to see it in everyday conversations. When we meet new people, the first question is normally related to what do you do for a living, as if knowing this will tell us the most important aspect of a person’s identity, when in fact, it’s the very quickest way to encourage someone to pull out their first ego mask in an attempt to feel accepted, important and successful.
“What we do is not who we are. Relating to that is a sure way of having an identity crisis”
What we do is not who we are. Relating to that is a sure way of having an identity crisis if what you do ever needs to change. Perhaps this explains the rates of depression and anxiety in high performance athletes. Confusing what you do for who you are. You are not your annual salary, your job, your marital status, your postcode, your possessions, your list of achievements. You are not your past mistakes, your inherited beliefs or patterns, or what you were born into. You are the qualities that make you stand for something deeper than surface level. You are the present moment and the choices you make right now that make those qualities take meaning. You are the authentic values, beliefs and attitudes that align you. You are a constantly changing human being. Your whole life is one of self-discovery that is influenced by your experiences and how you hold yourself in those experiences. Our identities are not designed to be perfect cookie cutter templates. They are designed to evolve, just as our communities do. The sooner we stop trying to fit a mould or place others in one, the sooner we can open honest conversations. The sooner we can start open conversations, the sooner we can return home to ourselves, and to each other in the true essence of what community means and looks like.
“Sawu Bona. I see you. I see the love, your soul and when I see you I bring you into existence”
So please, let’s share more of our stories. The real, raw and vulnerable ones. Let’s be courageous and invite each other to find freedom, not fear, in our truth. Our differences, our brokenness, our pain, our joy – if our capacity to love and be loved could be measured, I think it would be found in the intimacy of sharing all of our messy layers. Let’s welcome each other home with a greeting of “Sawu Bona” ~ “I see you”. Any Avatar fans would remember this touching African greeting that literally means, ‘I see you. I see the love, your soul and when I see you I bring you into existence’. Perhaps if we could start seeing others like this, looking deeper than surface level, we could invite others to see that within us too. A beautiful breath of interconnected clarity as we begin to see ourselves in each other, a complete picture of oneness.
By Danae Cornford